just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
