There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
