even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
