Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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