i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
