hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
