Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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