I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
