So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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