You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
