i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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