just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
