he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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