She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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