It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
