There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
