Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
