i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
