i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hippo gnu deer
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
