if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
