Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
someone owes me an orgasm
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
