my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
