I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
