I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
