I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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