wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
