why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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