you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
