y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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