I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
