that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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