well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
