Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
