You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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