Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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