Porn is love you can see.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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