Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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