im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
