We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
