if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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