well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
