My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
