I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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