Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
