So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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