I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
