Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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