Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
