at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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