holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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